Do's & Don'ts of Writing Epitaphs for Headstones

Do:

Consider their preferences. 

Some people specify requests for their epitaph in their will or other funeral planning documents, and it's important to fulfill these wishes. However, if the deceased hasn’t made any requests, you can consider their personality and preferences when writing. 

Think about their interests and accomplishments and whether they had a favorite quote, adage, poem, or Bible verse. These personal elements can give passersby an idea of who the deceased was and remind loved ones of the vibrant life they lived. 

Ask for help. 

Even if you’re solely in charge of funeral arrangements, you can ask friends and family members for help. Consider talking to those close to the deceased for inspiration to create a beautiful, personal inscription. These trusted individuals can also provide feedback on your ideas to help you improve the message.

Don’t:

Rush the process.

A headstone's engraving can be altered later, but it's better to select an enduring inscription. Take as much time as you need to think it over and write multiple drafts, if necessary. 

Don’t be afraid to write a few ideas and revisit them a few days later with a fresh set of eyes. Although some people find designing headstones helpful for healing, you might need to allow yourself to grieve first. 

Restrict yourself.

Many headstones include time-tested, traditional phrases like “rest in peace” and “in loving memory.” While these are meaningful and elegant, they aren’t your only options. You might want to write an entirely original piece or combine traditional and unique elements. 

For instance, some people write the epitaph in the first person, as though the deceased is speaking to passersby, offering insight or motivation. You can also add imagery, such as a depiction of the deceased, or a stylistic element like a religious symbol.